And the funk continues.

Man, I'm just such a crabass right now.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed but I should've just stayed there.  But today was the first Monday in 3 weeks that I didn't have a splitting headache, so I HAD to get up and go.  I'm just sorry for anyone that had to be around me today...not pretty.  This post is going to be more of me bitching...so if you're tired of hearing about it, stop reading here an wait for a happy post (which I DO hope to deliver this week)

I've not been a very good blogger lately.  I walk around all the time, coming up with blog posts in my head, but they just never make it out.  Most of the time it's because I've already worked through the whole thing in my head before I get a chance to sit down in front of the computer, and by that point, I no longer feel the need to write anything.  Lately, it's just because of my seemingly never-ending funk.

I hate how surprised I am when I have a burst of energy.  I mean, I'M ONLY 36 YEARS OLD!!!  I should have bursts of energy ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME.  But no.  That's not my current reality, and I'm terrified that it's my "new normal" (btw...I hate that phrase, but struggled to find one more appropriate right now).

I feel like I have very few personal conversations that don't have something to do with, or don't eventually get around to, my health.  I feel bad for my friends because that's ALL I seem to talk about, but that's me.  That's my life right now.  I'm praying it gets better...I really am.

I AM thankful that I don't have the physical pain I had when I was weaning off the meds the last time.  That was horrible.  But there isn't a day that's passed in my recent memory where I felt "normal".  It's always something...headache, puffy eyes, exhaustion, freakishly swollen legs.  I left work today to come home and prop my feet up because my calves had a muffin top over my socks by lunchtime.  Laugh, because one must, but it's uncomfortable to have your skin stretched so tight.  When it gets like that, the only way to make it go away is to elevate.  My boss is going to see if the ergo people can come up with some way to help me elevate my feet when I need to.  How about an adjustable Tempurpedic bed in my cubicle?????

Everytime something's off I wonder if it's because of one of the following:  lack of sleep (from being so damn sweaty.....or a fidgety toddler sleepng in my bed), medications, kidney disease, depression, too much salt????  That's frustrated because I need SOMETHING to blame, but I want to be fair about where to place the blame.  I'm hoping that the awful headaches go away now that I'm done with one of the medications.  It seems as though my blood pressure has dropped a bit since stopping it, so that's great!

I'd love to tell everyone about my nightmare saga with mail-order pharmacies, but I'd just get all worked up again.  I'm just going to TRY to keep focusing on the things I can control (HA...easier said that done, of course). 

Man, I'm so FREAKING TIRED.  And no, not a sleepy kind of tired, but a "holyfrickIthinkIcanbarelysupporttheweightofmybody" kind of tired.  I know it's partly because I feel off the exercising wagon.  I was doing SOOOO good, and then I got a sinus infection.  That was almost a month ago.  Yup, you guessed it...STILL not back to working out regularly.  I did some yoga on Saturday...wanted to do some today but needed some more rest. I'm hopeful that I'll have some energy to try it tomorrow.  That's the thing that seems so sinister sometimes.  I want to work out to have more energy, but I need energy to work out.  It's that whole chicken and the egg thing.  Frustrating.