Sadness

Marvin passed away last night, after a long battle with various health issues.  I know he's in a better place...no longer suffering. Yet I am so worried for my Grandma.

I remember when my Grandpa passed away all those years ago.  I was with him, holding his hand.  I loved my Grandpa and my Grandma dearly, and I wanted to make sure I did everything I possible could to support her then.  And to have to do it again.  Well, it's just unfair.

I got the call last night that Marvin probably wouldn't make it through the night, but I made the choice to stay at home.  Not because I didn't care...far from it, but because I didn't want to be in the way.  I wanted to give Marvin's kids their chance to say goodbye.  I kinda of expected the call this morning, but it's never one you're really prepared for.

How is my Grandma holding it all together?  Granted, they've known that this day was coming for quite some time, but still, how does it feel?  How does it feel to lose 2 loves in one lifetime, under similar circumstances?  How do I help her? How do I make sure she'll be OK?  This terrifies me now that I'm moving away....you want more than anything for those you love to be safe, to be OK, and yet there's nothing that I can really do to make a difference except for be there for her.

My Grandma is a very strong woman...I was thinking this morning about that as I was walking the dogs.  I think she's where I get my "spirit" from too, and that makes me happy.  She's able to carry on amidst pain and adversity, and she will again, this I know.  But still, it's just so damn unfair...